I made a key error today.

I looked in the mirror after a run. This was a very bad decision.

I know people exist out there (somewhere) who look healthy and attractive while they run. None of those people are sitting in my house right now.

 When I run, I turn about the color of an overripe tomato, my hair looks like I stuck a finger in an electrical socket, my legs get all splotchy red and pink, and I sweat like crazy. It’s not attractive. Not even slightly. Let’s add this to my list of Reasons I Haven’t Picked Up a Guy at a Running Event. (It goes right after the whole “being married” thing.)

We haven’t even mentioned my running gear!

I’ve described what I usually wear before (you can read all about my favorite clothes for running here), but let’s be honest: none of it is what a typical person would call flattering. For one thing, I’m a chunky girl. Nobody really wants to see a chunky chiquita running around in short shorts or compression shorts really. And the tops definitely leave very little of my arm fat to the imagination. In the summer, I’m all about tank tops so I don’t melt, and it’s definitely less than I usually wear out of my house.

But let’s face it: I’m not running to pick up a date. It’s about comfort and not melting into a puddle in the summer.

I’m a little self-conscious, I guess.

I think most women are. We’re in a world where body positive celebrities like Lizzo are the exception, not the rule. Even for a girl who has accepted that her body is strong, and that it’s powerful, it’s hard to accept that we’re not all going to look like supermodels while we’re getting the miles. Many of us have some pudge. Some of us have baby pooches left from when we had small humans. Still others have jiggles, cellulite, thunder thighs, and all the other business that comes with being a human.

It’s hard to dress a bigger body for running, and it’s hard to convince the rest of the world that the kind of girl who shows up in ‘90s rap songs can run.

Running without a shirt?

Runner’s World has several articles about how empowering it can be as a woman to run without a shirt. Kimberly Nuzingah Bradley wrote about the experience here, and she describes how little the other runners cared that a big girl was running in just her sports bra during a race. She felt better, and like so many other things in life, she was the only person who cared.

There’s even a running group in Austin made up of women who make a point of running just in their sports bras. (Read about them here.) The group, Sports Bra Squad ATX, recognizes how miserable running in Texas feels in extra clothing, but it’s also a huge, scary thing as far as the confidence goes. Running with others helps people gain confidence to run without that extra layer, and again, nobody is going to care beyond the shirtless runner herself!

It’s kind of an aspirational thing, I guess, to run around my neighborhood without a tank top. I haven’t done it, but then again, so far all of my runs have been in the air-conditioned confines of my office on my treadmill.

I have been running in just a sports bra there though! So far I think the only people who have witnessed this are my neighbor, and then only if the light is right to see into my office (She is selling her house—is it connected to my running sans t-shirt? I guess we’ll never know…); my husband, who likes to sneak up on me while I’m dancing/lip syncing/grooving to my iTunes playlist; my kids, who do not care; and my mom, who also didn’t really care. There have also been the occasional furry family members who get a peek, but again, I don’t think they care all that much as long as I keep them fed. I sense a theme—nobody cares!

Things I should probably worry about:

1. Is the cat on the treadmill? (Yes, he tried it once. Yes, he failed spectacularly. No, I didn’t get video.)
2. Is the DOG on the treadmill? (Pretty sure she tried it once too, with similar results.)
3. Am I staying on the treadmill? (Stay tuned for a post about that bit of gracefulness. Ouch.)
4. Does the song on my playlist match my running vibe today? (Right now I’m definitely in my Taylor Swift era, but that might change next week.)

What’s not on that list? Oh, right. Whether I should run in just a sports bra. I need to shake that business off!