I’m afraid…

Not of the dark, of strangers, or even of snakes. No, I’m afraid to run in the mornings. If I want to run before I go to work (which is the only time I can run outside in the summer), that means I have to be up at 4:00 in the morning and outside running at 4:15.

This doesn’t sound that terrifying, right? Ok, I guess it depends on your definition of terrifying. One of the quirks of living in Houston is that those of us out in the suburbs have to become early birds to beat the traffic. If you had asked me 10 years ago how I felt about 4 am, I would thrown my alarm clock at you and gone back to sleep. But I guess you get accustomed to crazy early wakeup calls if it means avoiding the worst of the traffic.

Anyway, back to 4 am and running. No, it’s not my favorite time of day to do anything, but who’s afraid of early mornings? Just throw on my fluorescent gear and my running shoes and go, right? Maybe add a flashlight or something and go enjoy the run?

Right. But also wrong.

You see, I live in a wooded area. We aren’t that far from downtown Houston (25 miles or so), but it’s still very green. There has been a lot of growth over the last few years, with new housing developments and new apartments nearby, but still, our area is a nice little patch of wooded Houston area swamp surrounded by Suburbia.

Most of the time, this is idyllic. We see all kinds of critters: birds ranging from tiny little hummingbirds to huge barred owls; turtles, lizards and alligators; and even a few mammals like opossums, raccoons, and deer. Yesterday I saw a jack rabbit down the street! It’s probably as close as I’m going to get to paradise if I want to keep my commute manageable. And most of the time I love it.

But not at 4:00 am.

I failed to mention one other exciting critter who lives in this area.

Wild hogs.

I do see them on occasion. They’re crepuscular, so usually I only see them around at dawn and dusk. But it isn’t uncommon to see yards torn up thanks to the hogs in my neighborhood. And, if you drive along the major street about a mile from my house in the fall, it isn’t strange to see the pigs crossing the road.

Wild pigs get big. Like bigger than my kids big. And they have tusks. Generally speaking, they probably aren’t as scary as I make them out to be, but people have gotten killed by them here in the Houston area! If they feel threatened, they will attack, and I can imagine a surprised wild pig would feel threatened if I ran up on it.

This is a totally irrational fear. According a New York Times article written in 2019, there have been about 100 documented feral hog attacks in the US between 1825 and 2012. Only 5 of those were fatal. (Feel free to read that article here and freak yourself out too!) The odds of me encountering a feral hog are actually pretty low, and the likelihood of me getting hurt is even lower. But still, here I am, terrified of running early in the morning because I *might* meet up with a pig.

Does this count as a phobia? I think it might.

The Wild Boar That Wasn’t

One morning, right after we moved to this house, I was leaving for work. It was early, before 6:00 am, and it was a little foggy and very dark. That’s typical for a fall morning in Houston. I had just put my dog out for her morning run, when I heard a rustling coming from the flower beds to my left.

“Rosie?” I called, thinking my doofy dog had escaped.

The rustling got closer, but I didn’t hear the characteristic jingle of her tags on her collar.

My pulse increased, and my palms started sweating. I was convinced I had just scared a wild boar, and I was about to die. I looked around, anxious for an escape route or somewhere I could climb in case I had to make a break for it.

Suddenly, something jumped on one of the Halloween decorations in front of me. It got airborne and landed right in front of me, like some deranged little Spider-Man wannabe. I shrieked. It froze, equally terrified, and made its little animal-y equivalent of a shriek. Then it ran off into the dark, leaving me frozen with panic.

Once I started breathing again, I realized I had just been jump-scared by an armadillo. It was not a pig. Just a weird little armored critter who liked my Halloween decorations. (I’m still not convinced these things are earthlings.)

What Should Frighten Me

Despite my pig phobia, there are things around here that should give me pause. Of the critters around with 4 legs, big dogs and coyotes could do a lot of damage to a solitary runner. They are fast, and they could carry nasty diseases like rabies. If a big dog got out and decided I was the Boogey Lady, it could get very ugly.

The other big concern are the 2-legged critters. We all hear stories of runners getting attacked or killed for no good reason, and frequently those runners are women. I have never had an issue, and I usually feel very safe in my neighborhood, but that doesn’t mean bad things can’t happen here. So, because I want to come home at the end of my runs, I carry pepper spray.

I’ve had people suggest running with a gun, and while I appreciate the sentiment, it really isn’t practical. Remember, when we run, we have to carry everything on our bodies. As a runner, I notice when I have put on a few pounds, so of course I would notice the weight of a firearm. There’s also the issue that carrying a gun comes with the emotional weight of whether I could actually use it and seriously harm someone, even if that someone is trying to hurt me. I don’t feel prepared to shoulder that kind of emotional and psychological responsibility, so I prefer to stick with something that would make someone or something very unhappy for long enough that I could get to safety.

If you need pepper spray, here is what I carry. (Remember, it’s an affiliate link, so I could get commission.) I have no idea how well it actually works because I have never had to use it, and I hope none of us ever has to find out!

Be safe if you’re out braving the streets early in the morning, and try to avoid the pigs!